I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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