he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
