Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
