You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
