Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
