You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
