I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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