nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
