I hate your face
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
