did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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