just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
