Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
