Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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