Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
