This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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