Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
