I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
