Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
