You work out of a Hotel?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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