im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
