took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
