Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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