i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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