God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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