Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
