I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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