oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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