It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
