How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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