that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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