FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
