He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
BRING THE BAGELS
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
