you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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