What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
