Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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