I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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