she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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