So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Im part way to drunk.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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