I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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