i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
