Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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