nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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