We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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