Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
