went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
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He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
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And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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