who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dicks are not precious.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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