I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
