Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
