to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize