Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
