nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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