yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
