erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
