I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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