when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
