He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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