your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
