So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
