Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
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Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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