So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
