shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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