So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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