She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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