having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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