one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
