i just had sex bonerless
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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