Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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