dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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