i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
