Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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