all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
